The Cost of Caring

This article is dedicated to those who care…The Pastor, Doctor, Psychologist, Nurturer and Caregiver. This is for you.

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For just a moment, take off your cape, read with your heart…saving the world can wait 3 minutes.

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Lately I have found myself trying to answer the question…where we go next, in regard to the pandemic. How do we recover…how exactly can I help while trying to recover my own self? Is it over yet? I know I can’t be the only one.

But there is one topic that has captured my attention lately. “Compassion Fatigue”.

This is something encountered when a lot of time and energy is spent caring for others. You…Your doctors, counselors, pastors and caregivers may have encountered or are encountering this even as you read. For some of us…this season of Pandemic…life in general, has caused our inner nurturer to be put to use. Caring for those we love, those we want to see healed and whole. Compassion Fatigue isn’t simply burning out. It’s a mental disconnect from empathy and compassion. It’s struggling through those emotions you previously put to the side while you were helping another. You may be experiencing a lack of joy with the things you normally like to do. It’s shutting down and operating solely in “function” mode. No…I’m not diagnosing you…I’m just showing you that this at times, is the cost of caring for others…

So what do you do???

• Avoid Coping Mechanisms: Consider the unhealthy ways in which you may respond to trauma and work hard to avoid them(self medication, shopping, eating, sleeping)…

• Connect: to those who may have experienced the weight of caring for others. Maybe someone in the same profession or who has had the same experience as yourself

• Consider a counselor: whether grief, trauma, fatigue, whatever you are facing it is always beneficial to share with someone not directly connected to your place of pain

• Boundaries: Set healthy boundaries with your family and friends as you take time out to focus on caring for you.

• Self Care: This is not simply a vacation, getting your nails and toes done or a spa day. Self care for you may mean being intentional about protecting your mental space. Recognizing when you are fizzling out. Listening to your body and visiting your doctor on a regular basis. Self care may be loving on yourself a little harder in this time. It may be taking intentional time with your immediate family (Spouse & children).

• Accountability: Find someone who can hold you accountable to self-care…and don’t get mad when they act on that accountability.

Why is this important?

Because for whatever time frame…you have nursed a loved one, a congregation, a client or a friend back to health. Now it’s time to love on you. It’s not selfish. You are not robbing people of you. You are actually gifting them with a better you. Most importantly, you are gifting you with a better you. It would be easy if this was a “quick fix”. But you didn’t get to this place overnight. It’s a process and I am sure you recognize this.

One thing that is important to keep in mind is this, everyone…IN THE WORLD…over these past 3 years has experienced their own individual trauma (sickness, death, mental health struggles and more). We experienced it separately but together… at the same time. We are ALL trying to figure out how to recover…have grace with others on their road to recovery while you try to navigate your own.

Even Jesus grew tired (John 4:6) and even then, things still happened, while he rested. So where do you go from here? Let’s follow 3 steps for today to get you started.

Prayer, Faith, Action

Prayer

Just for this…I feel that Psalm 23 is the best way to start…You take it from there

The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me],

I shall not want.

2He lets me lie down in green pastures;

He leads me beside the still and quiet waters.

3He refreshes and restores my soul (life);

He leads me in the paths of righteousness

for His name’s sake.

4Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death,

I fear no evil, for You are with me;

Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me.

5You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You have anointed and refreshed my head with oil;

My cup overflows.

6Surely goodness and mercy and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life,

And I shall dwell forever [throughout all my days] in the house and in the presence of the Lord.

Faith

What are you believing God for? He’s able and willing. Allow your faith to speak above your current space of being. God is greater!

Jesus replied to them, “I assure you and most solemnly say to you, if you have faith [personal trust and confidence in Me] and do not doubt or allow yourself to be drawn in two directions, you will not only do what was done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen [if God wills it].

Matthew 21:21

Action

What steps can you commit to taking this week…today? Don’t try to fix it all this week. Just one thing. One thing you can conquer this week. Remember faith alone won’t do it. Put in the good work.

Dear friend reading this,

Remember It’s okay, not to be okay (read article here). I am believing God with you. You have everything you need to move forward towards healing. Always remember this…

“We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.”

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

Additional Resources

Are you experiencing compassion fatigue? (apa.org)

The Resilient Practitioner: Burnout and Compassion Fatigue Prevention (routledge.com)

Compassion Fatigue - The American Institute of Stress