Not only a PK Pt. 1: Forging Forgiveness

I’m sure you are wondering why I would start my blogs about PK’s with forgiveness! Well just sit tight and keep reading.

I began writing this actual blog back in December of 2018...Why did it take me so long to finish? It needed some seasoning. LOL

Psalms 23:5

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

You may look at this scripture and consider that the table has been prepared and the enemies served. Well, what happens when your enemies come back to the table, Sunday after Sunday? Do you get up and leave? Do you commence a food fight? OR...Do you sit, serve and eat. The Psychologist in me would be urged to talk to you about toxic situations and how to handle them...you know those triggers. But, you first need to know my lived experience.

As a PK (Preacher's Kid), one can encounter much pain, heartache and betrayal. More than it seems that the average person would. We are expected (You know those church society norms) to understand, forgive and forget. But that doesn't always happen.

Personally, I try my hardest to look for the good in people. I can be determined to see others as Christ sees them, but that doesn’t stop the hurt from happening. And when it does...I have never had a problem cutting ties with people. Like EVER. LOL

You are probably thinking, whew this chick is ANGRY...but just keep reading

To forge something means that there was a break. It means that at some point in time, some irreparable damage has been done. To mend those pieces, usually putting them back together takes stress, heat and pounding. It does not mean the piece will look the same. There may be a mark of the break (we can call that a beauty mark). This process of forging can be an example of what forgiveness looks like. It’s uncomfortable. It feels painful and pride says we don’t need to do this.

With the light of a PK shining extremely bright...Forgiveness can be an expectation...even before we are able to heal.

The thing about forgiveness...it has to happen in the heart, it's an integral part of the healing process. You have to genuinely want it. To be forgiven or to forgive. Not because you are a PK and it is expected of you and not because it’s what your parents/Pastors told you to do. YOU have to want YOUR heart whole.

Psalm 147:3

He heals the brokenhearted

and binds up their wounds.

Yes...People may talk about your family...

Yes...people will turn their backs on you...

Yes...you will feel like no one can relate to your experience...

Yes...you may have made some life altering mistakes or choices…

None of this should hold you back from forgiveness...with others and even yourself. It’s not about them anyways! This is between you and God.

So...whether the table prepared for you is a table with an enemy of 1 or 100, allow God to heal your heart. Don’t let the title of PK break your willingness to forge forgiveness to the bridge of your healing. The healing from Christ which makes us WHOLE.

If I'm being honest, forgiveness is something I have struggled with often. The pain of being hurt is sometimes indescribable and the pride after you have hurt someone can be just as big. How I push past these feelings of pain and pride is honestly and purely seeking the face of the father. Daily asking for a clean heart and a righteous spirit.

Psalms 51:10

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

One thing I learned in 2020 is that it doesn't take a conversation to be had (all of the time) in order to forgive. I needed quarantine to remind me that I am human and it was okay for me to hurt and feel. I needed that time away from being a PK around others. In that time, God showed me how peaceful it was to LET THINGS GO. How whole you can feel. Yes...it took from 2018 to 2020 for me to get this...and if we're being honest, that was just my realization phase. Honestly...all of this because I simply didn’t want to miss God. Yes, I wish I could understand why people do the things they do. But i no longer get caught up in trying to figure it out because I am not God, nor am i trying to be.

So back to this table...he prepared for you...for me...This table, I imagine has all of my favorite foods but most importantly GOD'S FAVOR...IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE! Others are here to take part, but this is your table...this is my table...HE prepared it...Allow others to sit back and enjoy the show!

This journey of being a PK is one that you could only relate to if you are a PK...but i think everyone understands what it takes to forgive. But this blog….this was just for you (The PK) who needed someone to see you, if only for a moment. You don’t walk this journey alone. You are not misunderstood. I understand very well and am now giving you a virtual hug! Let God heal your heart so that you may enjoy the Journey! It is full of beautiful surprises!